Happy April!

CENTRAL STATION ANTWERP, BELGUIM

Justice the American Way

OK, I've been gone for a while and everyone is bitching at me to do something.So boys and girls today we will talk about one of my favorite subjects:



Opps,sorry about that


We're almost there...



Bingo!




Allow me to explain the Wall Street scam, subsequent crisis, and bailout in a very brief, but effective way for you:

You and your wife have worked hard for years without taking a vacation so you carefully save your money, request leave from work and book a nice long retreat down in St. Thomas. You have called the paper to cancel delivery and notified the police and your neighbors of your absense and ask they keep an eye out on your house.

Unfortunately, the regular paper carrier's car gets repossesed, a kid out of High school takes over and papers start piling up.


Its also kind of unfortunate that the police were busy busting some kids down the road for smoking marijuana and the neighbors just didn't happen to notice the truck in your driveway.



The thieves break into your house, steal everything, and it leaves you nearly broke.



Law enforcement responds by visiting with the thieves and the resellers of the thief's stolen goods in a very friendly setting, perhaps lunch at the Four Seasons. Law enforcement then takes the information to government officials who respond by writing the thief and the resellers a check from what is left of your checking account. They decide this too over lunch, perhaps also at the Four Seasons and on your dime (i.e. taxes).




Then the same government officials declare that a new and better alarm system should be installed in your home and in the home of all Americans, at a high cost to you of course.

(The reality is that the alarm system worked perfectly, but that does not matter).


The thief and the resellers in turn thank these government officials by contributing to their electoral coffers, so they stay in office to help with future robberies. The alarm companies also thank these same government officials by also contributing to their electoral coffers.


In the meantime you have to go to work and put on a smiley face on all day while fighting with the insurance companies that are sure you just forgot to lock the door(neglect), are having marital problems or just need some quick drug fix money.
Your mountainous police reports that have to be notorized and faxed to the convenient number in India seem to have got lost. When you lose your temper and tell them all to get off their fat asses and pay for the goods you've lost or you will come over and rip their heads off and stuff it up their asses, you are courteously hung up upon and receive a visit again from the very courteous law enforcement who take you into custody on threat (terrorist) charges,and you lose your job.

While you begin rotting in a jail cell your wife meets an up and coming business executive that wrongly assumed the house was in forclosure from the lack of furniture and household ammenities. They make a deal and you receive divorce notices in jail but you don't care because the house was already unwater with a balloon payment due next fall and all you want is an some place to go and drink a cold beer.

Which you do when you get out and finally find a new and exciting job.

(Street vending is a job.)

Without the now ex-wife you are able to enjoy other exotic places around town full of laughter, mirth and make new friends.


While all the time scheming to get even with the assholes at the insurance company that screwed you over. So one day you get a great job delivering natural gas that pays $2.00 over minimum wage, but you are not thinking of the extra beer money, you are thinking of driving over to the nice beautiful insurance company.



With your truck.


Lie to your ex and her new boyfriend that an insurance settlement has been reached and to meet you at the insurance company.







Then go have a cold beer with some good friends.


Of course, all this is just fantasy.


**I got this idea from one of coyote's postings, where he got it from atlargely.com, which I embelished considerably.

Men vs. Women in the bathroom

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to

lights and darks.



Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover

up any exposed areas.



Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.



Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah sponge, wide loofah sponge

and pumice stone.



Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.



Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.



Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.



Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.



Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.



Rinse conditioner off hair.



Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off.



Turn off shower.



Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.



Spray mold spots with Tilex.



Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.



Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.



Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.



If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a

pile.



Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at

her making the woo-woo sound.



Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener

and scratch your butt.



Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.



Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.



Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.



Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.



Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.



Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.



Pee.



Rinse off and get out of shower.



Partially dry off.



Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub

the whole time.



Admire wiener size in mirror again.



Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.



Return to bedroom with towel around waist.



If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo

sound again.



Throw wet towel on bed.



If there is anyone who did not laugh (OUT LOUD) at the truth behind this,

there is something SO very wrong with you. Have a great day..... and woo woo!!!

Trashed

***********


The world has changed a bit since Al Gore wrote "An Inconvenient Truth". Aside from scarring the masses into accepting a Federal "Green Tax", it sure hasn't hurt his portfolio...

(Al Gore's new Houseboat)

The fact that the gov will try to stick it to us to clean up what big industry did is almost par for the course. No, its not almost, it is par.
Speaking of big industry, and the gobs of stuff that are shoved in our face via TV, newspapers or the WWW, its amazing that our planet hasn't just thrown us off it.
Litter & trash everywhere:

What a sad day. The driver should be taken out and shot, just like they did in the old days in Germany.

In landfills that are filling up..


To the seas that are filling up..


At least going to space might be pure and untainted..

Well, maybe not. That's old space junk orbiting the earth?

Then there's different kinds of trash..

The place definitely needs some landscapping..

Trailer park trash..

Well, at least she has a trailer.

Tonight's Friday when I invite some friends over I have to see all kinds of trashing things..



and:

Who let those guys in here?

Then there's talkin trash..


Thanx dudes, maybe I'll win sometime..

At least it's the weekend and now for some special time with a few close friends..


Like a really special time with that blond in the front.Yum.
Y'all have a good weekend now ya hear?

TGYF

God, a cold beer sounds good about now..

Cheers!

Yea, 36 hours

Do they sell that over the counter?

Australia Has Moved!

{AP reporter: SKYE, Manitoba Canada}


Tired of Being Isolated and Ignored, Continent Isn't Bloody Moving Sydney, 800 miles S. of Nova Scotia

After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, Australia this morning woke up to find itself in the middle of the North Atlantic.


"Good Lord, that was a booze up," said a bleary-eyed Australian Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, speaking from his residence at Kirribilli House, approximately 600 nautical miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.

According to Australians and residents of several countries destroyed or lewdly insulted during the continent's nearly 7,000-mile saltwater stagger, the binge began just after noon yesterday at a pub in Brisbane, where several patrons were discussing Australia Day and the nation's general lack of respect from abroad.

"It started off same as always; coupla fossils saying how our Banjo Patterson was a better poet than Walt Whitman, how Con the Fruiterer is funnier than Seinfeld, only they're Aussies so no one knows about 'em," recalled witness Kevin Porter. "Then this bloke Martin pipes up and says Australia's main problem is that it's stuck in Australia, and everybody says 'Too right!'"

"Well, it made sense at the time," Porter added.

By 2 a.m., powered by national pride and alcohol, the 3-million-square-mile land mass was barging eastward through the Coral Sea and crossing into the central Pacific, leaving a trail of beer cans and Chinese take-away in its wake.


When dawn broke over the Northern Hemisphere, the continent suddenly found itself, not only upside down, but smack in the middle of the Atlantic, and according to most of its 19 million inhabitants, that's the way it's going to stay.

"We sent troops to Afghanistan. You never hear about it. We have huge government scandals. You never hear about it. It's all 'America did this,' and 'Europe says that,'" exclaimed Perth resident Paul Watson. "Well, we're right in the thick of things now, so let's just see if you can you ignore us."


Officials on both sides of the Atlantic conceded that would be difficult. "They broke Florida," said U.S. State Department spokesman Richard Boucher. "And most of Latin America is missing."

Meanwhile, victims of what's already been dubbed the "Australian Crawl" are still shaking off the event.

"Australia bumped into us at about midnight local time," said Hawaii governor Ben Cayetano. "They were very friendly — they always seem friendly — but they refused to go around unless we answered their questions. But the questions were impossible. 'Who is Ian Thorpe? Do you have any Tim Tams? What day is Australia Day?'"

"Fortunately, somebody here had an Unimportant World Dates calendar and we aced the last one," Cayetano added.

Panama, however, was not so lucky.

"Australia came through here screaming curses at us to let them through," said Ernesto Carnal, who guards the locks at the entrance to the Panama Canal. "We said they would not fit, so they demanded to speak with a manager. When I go to find Mr. Caballos, they sneak the whole continent through."

When Caballos shouted to the fleeing country that it had not paid, Australia "accidentally" backed up and took out every nation in the region, as well as the northern third of Venezuela. They then made up a cheery song about it. Chavez was not amused!

By late morning today, however, not everyone in Australia was quite so blithe. "We've still got part of Jamaica stuck to Queensland," said Australian army commander Lt. Gen. Peter Cosgrove. "I think we might have declared war on it. I don't bloody remember. Maybe it's time to go home."

Cosgrove, however, is not in the majority, and at press time, U.S., African, and European leaders were still desperately trying to negotiate for Australia's withdrawal. But the independent-minded Aussies were not making it easy. In a two-hour meeting at midday, Australian representatives listed their demands: immediate inclusion in the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, a permanent CNN presence in all 6 Australian states, a worldwide ban on hiring Paul Hogan, a primetime U.S. television contract for Australian Rules Football, and a 4,500-mile-long bridge between Sydney and Los Angeles.

U.S. negotiators immediately walked out, calling the Australian Rules Football request "absurd."

****

KJ note: Thank you Skye for the permission to post, an excellent creation!
Her site is at

Shades of Grey