ETERNALLY OPTIMISTIC INC has partnered with one of the most highly regarded, professional documentation experts in the country to be able to offer our valued clients & guests-you- a bargain you won't want to miss out on!
1. Late on your Credit Card Payment to Citibank?
2. Receiving harrassing and embarrasing calls @ home demanding payment?
3. Facing a vehical repossession because your stupid bank doesn't understand it costs ALOT of money to replace a transmition?
4. Lost your job because the US Government allowed Corporations to up and run?
"The line of defense presently being put forth by the banks is that it would be wrong for the government to give anyone, especially a defaulting homeowner, a free house. But this is not only a spectacularly dishonest and hypocritical line of defense since the banks are demanding that the government give them the free houses, it is also a direct attack on the rule of law."
Your problems are over!
Let EO Inc. handle it from here then-Go out and celebrate! Party your ass off and send us a thank you note as many of our previous, very satisfied customers have:
Dear Eternally Optimistic,
I was at my wit's end with the assholes @ Bank of America calling me 5 times per day wanting to know when I would send them another check, even though those dickheads got a bonus that was more than the value of my house and checking accounts combined they just couldn't wait-until I called you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You must come over and party with us soon! We'll buy the beer!
Dear Kevin John,
I love you! I love you! I love you! I couldn't believe my BFF when she said I should give you guys a try. At first I was unconvinced that this wasn't just another jack-off scandal trying to get me and my money seperated. But I went ahead and ordered your low cost "Promise of Interest Rate Deduction" form and was SO FREAKING HAPPY when they asked me to fax those letters to them for proof, they just cut my rate in half-retroactive-thanx to your post date stamp, and dropped my payments for two months to say they were soooo sorry!I could just screw your brains out!
Since then I have ordered your more expensive, but definately well worth "Articles of Payment", and your PAYMENT IN FULL SUMMARY.
Again thank you very much!
"The real unemployment rate is well over 20%, and getting worse by the day. Anyone who tells you the official government figure of 9.6% is a liar."
PRODUCTS WE OFFER:(Complete with full documentation /official business form pursuant to company info supplied)
Promise of Interest Rate Deduction $95.88
Articles of Payment (Credit Card Bills below $5k: $229.95, above $5k: $329.95
Special! TWO FOR ONE: $488.98!!
PAYMENT IN FULL SUMMARY (and transcripts from alledged phone calls, letters, emails ect. included): $567.99
LANDLORD Promise TO SELL Forms : $634.99 (This is especially helpfull if you are late on your rent and are about to be evicted. It will take the courts another 12 months to find out who is full of shit-you or your landlord!)
LETTER FROM CONGRESSIONAL REPRESENTATIVE DEMANDING CIRCUMVENTION: $894.99 (Expensive, but well worth it! It's amazing how much weight these slime filled politicians have, but we make that work for us!It doesn't have to be your late payments but anything that might bring you future cash! Be creative!)
So act now!*** Dont' delay!*** These products will not last!
Call a qualified Eternally Optimistic Resolution/Documentation Specialist TODAY!
1 Commercial Place, Norfolk VA 23456 - (800) 432-1000
The latest rogue wave broke about ten days ago, when an orgy of foreclosure revealed massive irregularities in mortgage contracts and property titles, suggesting a slovenliness so arrant and broad that even the states' attorneys general woke from their narcoleptic raptures of golf to shut down transfers of distressed property.
-James Howard Kunstler