Thursday, December 16, 2010

Fantasy:What we really want.




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What a Man wants in a woman! {Rebutal} (by Kevin)

What I want in a Woman (Original list age 17)


1.A stunning blond long- legged model, preferably from Playboy
2.Enjoys sex at least 5 times per day, whenever I feel like it.
3.Has an ultra rich father/mother that showers us with special gifts
4.Enjoys being around 'the guys' and joins in weekend Football beerfest activities while making everyone steak and trimmin's on our new outdoor grill that she bought for me for my birthday.
5.NEVER nags, whines or crabs about silly things, like the new Porshe I bought.
6.Always keeps the outdoor fridge stocked with plenty of (cold) beer,without asking for money to do so.
7.Exclaims how wonderful it is to be married to a great guy like me.
8.Has new and exciting sex ideas that would blow your mind
9.Never complains when the guys meet @ AJ Gators for a night out playing pool and partying.
10.Makes sure the house is spotless when I come home from work or with the guys after AJ Gators-then fixes us snacks and parties with us.
11.Loves to go skinny-dipping and have sex.
12.Always smiling, always funny, and conversational and totally understanding of any faults (I might) have.



What I want in a woman (revised list) age 29


1. A great looking blond (or brunette, redhead) girl
2. Enjoys sex at least 3 times a day, whenever I feel like it.
3. Has a good job so we can both afford the finer things in life.
4. Is a great mother and keeps her shape, even after 3 kids, whom she always takes care of.
5. Lets me and the guys cook meals during a football party for her and the kids
6. Tells me I am a pretty cool dude.
7. Picks up a 12 pack for our outdoor fridge if I give her the money for the other groceries.
8. Still looks hot in a bikini
9. Loves new sex ideas
10. Doesnt mind too much when I ask permission (a week in advance) if I can go out to AJ Gators with the buds.
11.Doesn't get speeding or reckless driving tickets
12.Likes my friends and sometimes will bring us a bowl of chips during poker games.


What I want in a woman (revised list ) age 41


1. A decent looking lady.
2. Enjoys sex at least 2 times a month
3. Never complains about working overtime so we can afford the finer things in life
4.Doesn't ask for money that often
5. Lets me buy my own beer and put it alongside of the Juicy Fruit Juice the kids drink in the fridge.
6.Doesn't blow a gasket if she catches me and the guys checking out the new Playboy magazine-as long as it's not in front of the kids.
7. Lets me bring a few friends home to watch the football game and drink a few beers.
8. Doesn't complain to much when I forget to clean the house or do the dishes from the night before.
10.Allows me to give her some extra cash so she & the gals can leave the house while me & the guys play a little poker.
11. Usually smiles much more than frowns.


What I want in a woman (revised list) age 53


1.A woman that doesn't weigh more than me.
2 Never demands sex more than 1X every other month.
3.Works over time so we can eat
4.Thows a can of speggetti-Os on the stove for me sometimes when I'm late from work.
5.Allows me to bring one friend home to help with the outside chores, bitch about the economy and drink beer.
6.Doesn't know I sneak out and meet my freinds at AJ Gators sometimes
7.Nags less often then being silient or going on her facebook page for the night.
8.Allows me to go over to a friends house to play a little poker.
9.Doesn't come up with stupid new sex ideas
10. Says 'thank you' after I give her money for groceries, mortgage and extra clothes.
11. Allows me to have some 'quiet time' alone in my study,with my computer.


What I want in a woman (revised list) age 65


1.A woman that doesn't weigh much more than my pick up.
2.Never wants sex
3.Doesn't smell too bad
4.Won't scare me in the middle of the night if I happen to roll over and open my eyes.
5.Is quiet more than talks.
6.Brings me a cup of coffee in the morning occassionally.
7.Leaves when I ask some friends to come over and watch TV
8. Doesn't check my outside fridge to see how much beer is there.
9.Takes a bath at least once a week.
10. Gives me some of her change so I can go over to the play a little poker with the guys.
11.Allows me to have some 'quiet time' alone in my study, with my computer.

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What a woman wants in a man!


What I Want In a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Send this to the women who will enjoy reading it and to the men who can handle it!

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 42 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "Darling, 42 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL. NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."


MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS.

*************

What we usually end up with:


24 comments:

CoyotePrime said...

Where do you get these gems, brother? Great stuff, as always...
LOL

Kevin John said...

A lady @ church emailed me the Woman wants, and I emailed her back w/ what men want!
I don't think I'll be going to church anytime soon.:)
Thanks CP, always a pleasure seeing you again.

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Anonymous said...

So funny how your ideal woman has no personality, education or needs of her own. You pretty much expect her to give you food, sex, attention and service around the house whenever you want.
Maybe one day you could buy a robot that can cater to all your needs. Because until then, your fantasy will be never fulfilled.
Honestly man. Wake up and get real. Stop being such a misogynistic pig.

Anonymous said...

Funny how the what women want doesn't mention sex ' when ever they want'.

Cameron Durham said...

Notice how the guy mentioned sex every time an the girl didn't even seem to think about it....

Anonymous said...

It's a joke, you twit.

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