Sunday, March 1, 2009

Men vs. Women in the bathroom


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:





Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to

lights and darks.



Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover

up any exposed areas.



Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.



Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah sponge, wide loofah sponge

and pumice stone.



Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.



Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.



Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.



Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.



Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.



Rinse conditioner off hair.



Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off.



Turn off shower.



Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.



Spray mold spots with Tilex.



Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.



Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.



Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.



If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.





HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:




Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a

pile.



Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at

her making the woo-woo sound.



Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener

and scratch your butt.



Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.



Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.



Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.



Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.



Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.



Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.



Pee.



Rinse off and get out of shower.



Partially dry off.



Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub

the whole time.



Admire wiener size in mirror again.



Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.



Return to bedroom with towel around waist.



If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo

sound again.



Throw wet towel on bed.



If there is anyone who did not laugh (OUT LOUD) at the truth behind this,

there is something SO very wrong with you. Have a great day..... and woo woo!!!

96 comments:

fiona said...

speechless...lmao

nursemyra said...

too sad, too true. I'd love me some of that gingernut and jaffa cake body wash

Kevin John said...

Thanks Fiona!

Nursemyra, yes, the jaffa cake is a hot selling item. We tend to keep the cupboards fully stocked.

Mike said...

What's a shower?

VE said...

Ha! Perfect. You forgot to add that for those with an enclosed shower and not a curtain that the wife will squeegy ever last drop off the glass. Guys...they just wonder why a car windshield wiper is in the shower...

Kevin John said...

Mike, rule #1: if you want to get laid, get in the shower first.
Rule #2: Make sure you have a lot of money for the inevitable lawsuits.
Rule#3: Enjoy!

VE: Yes, and that funny thing that is suppose to hold the TP...what's that about?

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Yes. Very funny.

But depending on the length of a marriage, the woman might skip shaving her legs.

Skye said...

Damn that's funny! Doesn't work that way here though. I get undressed in the bathroom, shower, and get redressed in the bathroom. None of the mess comes to the bedroom! As for seperating clothes, they all hit the same laundry hamper and stay all mixed up till laundry day...lol.

I have to also agree with the man's thought of "what the hell is a squeegee doing in the shower? That's for washing windows!"

I know, I'm not much of a girl...lol. I don't do make-up, I don't do perfume, I don't do nailpolish, I don't do hair. That last one should be kinda obvious considering I keep it shaved pretty short. The most time I spend on my hair is the length of time it takes me to shave it :D Speaking of, it's now about a 1/2 inch long and that's plenty long enough for it to need a comb. Better shave it today again, and since the weather is so nice, I may just go completely bald this time. I do like that on occassion!

Kevin John said...

Meg, if i was married to you, you had better shave your legs!! :)

Skye:Just went for a haircut on the local Navy base and had it cut to regulation. I was beginning to feel like a crotchety old man with that hair sticking out all over..

Cut your beautiful hair?????

Why? You're a beautiful girl!

Skye said...

Thank you KJ, that's sweet of you to say. Do you realize though that my hair in the pics you've seen of me is only 1/8 inch long? That's the length of attachment I use on my clippers. I actually had bedhead yesterday and it drove me up the wall!

You should hear my Grams though, she's constantly nagging me to grow my hair back out...lol. "But Skye, your hair is so think and curly, why don't you let it grow?"

To which I reply, "This is easier to take care of, it's no where near so hot as long hair, I never have to worry about tying it back and adding all kinds of goop to keep it off my face. That is why I won't let it get any longer!"

It's sad really, when I did have longer hair, it would take me close to 2 hours just to wash and condition it, not to mention the full day for it to completely dry and then it was time to wash it again! And that doesn't even include styling time, I hated having to do all that fussing! Besides, a lot of other people who know me, agree that I look better with my hair shaved short. Lot's of women have said "I wish I had the guts to do that!" Quite frankly, I wish more people had the guts to do it as well, it is amazingly comfortable!

Flight said...

This is why men and women should always shower together . Women will bring the good soap and keep the shower clean, men will make sure everyone's parts get a proper cleaning and handle the shaving the married women seam to hate . Plus think of the water we would save

Julia said...

Yep. That about sums it up. I personally walk naked around the house and don't bother with all the robes and stuff but the man side is right on the money!

Anonymous said...

This has got to be one of the funniest scenerios I have read in a long time. The weiner admiring and wagging is sooooo funning and true! Thank you so much....I laughed out loud until tears were running down my face! Love it.....Please write some more!
Beb

Anonymous said...

My wife put one of those stickers from a car side mirror on our bathroom mirror--

"Objects in mirror are not as large as they may appear"

Still looking for one of those circus mirrors you see at the fun house----

Jj

Kevin John said...

Whew, been working harder than usual. I'm getting geared up for the upcoming stimulus packages to hit!
@Skye, Yes short hair (like mine) does have its benefits.

@Flight, I totally agree with your green approach to water conversation.Unless we are forced to shower with a female that outweighs us 2-1, i think you have a valid point.
@Julia, walk around the house naked? What if the FedEx man comes?!
@Beb, thank you, but I honestly can't take credit..although I've done a few that Entrecard didn't appreciate, ergo my ban.Jeesh.
@Jj, Is this the real Jj? How can I be sure? Hee hee. Your wife sounds like a fun girl to have around!Got to keep the sense of humor going in these strange times.

Anonymous said...

Is it Jj, or is it Memorex? Only the mirror knows for sure!!!

Jj

psychegram said...

ROFL

How did I not see this before?

I love to pee in the shower.

Kevin John said...

psychegram, Ha! How can we start a revolution if you do that??
They'll confiscate the clorox!

Argentum Vulgaris said...

ROTFLMAO...

Are any of the aforementioned obligatory? Or are we free to choose?

AV

btw, thanks for the visit to my blog.

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